I-Feel-Shitty Days

I was cautiously optimistic when I woke up this morning. Sure, I felt tired, but I was hopeful that I’d managed to score more hours sleep than what it was beginning to feel like.

6:34 am.

Crap.

Given that I’d gone to bed at 3:15 am, I knew that it might be a bit of a struggle legging it out of bed. However, I looked over at Mull and immediately wanted to take him outside. Hell, I wanted to get outside and get some fresh air.

I’ve just finished my first week of a HIIT training program. Yay for new Jo. So that means my new routine has started. Truth be told, it’s a bit of an old routine from when I was pseudo-fit and healthy two years ago, but that went down the toilet once the soul-sucking zombie year from hell started.

I digress.

Getting back into a routine has had me feeling happy and content. I know what I’m supposed to be doing. Go to the gym to do HIIT program every second day. Eat well to meet calorie needs ensuring the appropriate spread of macro nutrients. Go to work and be a nice human. Come home. Walk Mullet. Do things to fuel my passion. Sleep. Repeat.

I’m liking the steadiness. The only thing is that I’ve been wanting more time to do things that fuel my passion. That was what happened last night. I was all excited finishing up the blog post, trying to learn new internety things, reading articles and listening to videos and podcasts that before I realised it was stupid o’clock. Well and truly time for sleep.

Back to the Mullet walk. That went well. The old man that yelled at me yesterday for having my killer beast off leash while he sniffed a tree in a park (“Don’t want none of your smart remarks, silly girl. That’s illegal!) managed a smile of total surprise after I said to him with my biggest I’ve-had-three-hours-of-sleep-but-I’m-a-decent-human smile, “Good morning, sir.” Totally felt I was winning at life after that. And before you ask, yes Mullet was on a lead. Sometimes – gasp! – I don’t put the lead on when we go to the park behind my house because I want to do some off-leash training. Yesterday was one of those days. Today was not. And in case the man that yelled at me is reading this blog post – Ha! – I do believe that dogs should be controlled and rules should be followed. Sometimes I’m a goodie goodie like that. Other times, I think have you met my dog? He’s a teddy bear with a pulse. If he could have a dangerous quality, it would be that he would kill you with his cuteness.

Moving on.

Work went well, and I actually managed to leave at the time that I’d mentally promised myself that I would in the morning. But then after being stuck with an insufficient umbrella and a sudden heavy downpour, and then being stuck in a traffic jam, I started to get glum. Really glum. My mind started going to sad and depressing places that the zombie year from hell took me. Then, I went and got a body scan at the mPort booth to show results from my first week. It might not have been a good idea as most of the numbers were up. And there I was thinking that I was feeling pretty good about this first week, and there weren’t even any results to show for it. This started making me feel even gloomier, so I decided to get the hell out of the shopping centre. Of course, on the way home, I was stuck behind the slowest driver of the day. In the right-hand lane!

I knew it at the time, as much as I know it now: my mindset had shifted, and I was attracting negativity because that’s what my focus was. If I allowed it, I could be stuck rehashing all the mistakes I’ve made, including just how much I fucked up last year, who I unintentionally hurt, and now what that’s done to me. It’s a vortex of doom.

This whole mindfulness thing is still new for me. Almost brand new. I know that there’s something in it, but the Type A, perfectionist, overly analytical, negativity focused, zombie from hell, anxious Jo has had control over the reins for a LONG time. It’s going to take some hard work to unlearn those behaviours and start learning and mastering new ones.  

So this is what L-pate mindful Jo did:

1.      Sat down and ate a healthy snack.

2.      Took Mullet for a walk and listened to my favourite music.

3.      Took a long shower.

4.      Turned my computer on and started reading about IIN courses.

5.      Decided to write about this negativity to be open and honest as well as keep me accountable.

I will now have a healthy dinner, pat Mullet and go read some more First, we make the beast beautiful.

Let’s be honest. I know that I’m not perfect. I’m going to fuck up at some point. I’m going to have lulls. Hell, no one can be ON all the time. You’d go crazy. However, I am working on being happier and healthier will all the tools, strategies and resources that I have. I am trying to notice what I’m feeling or thinking, accept it, and then try to let it go. I’m trying to do things that keep me active and focused on something healthy.

We all have shitty days. We’re only human.  

Having An I-Feel-Shitty Day

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3 thoughts on “I-Feel-Shitty Days

  1. I loved reading this, you inspire me to write my own truths and hold myself accountable for my shitty days. Your words are sometimes what I want to scream out loud!

    Like

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